it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
