just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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