Your dad touched me again.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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