i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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