so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You're like the curious george of whores
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
3pm strippers are depressing
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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