So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
