well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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