i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
