saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
