Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
