I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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