Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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