you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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