Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
