Sponge bath it is.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
