I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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