I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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