i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He kissed a someone with a penis
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
