just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
this just has baby written all over it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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