someone threw a dead crab at me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
