Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
