so explain again why im purple
no
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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