You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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