so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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