I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
