She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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