Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Shame - the story of my life.
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