im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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