i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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