If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
