Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
