I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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