Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
