I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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