haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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