I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
