I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I skipped work to stalk him.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
