don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
