so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
