just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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