my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
