and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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