we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wish I only lived at night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
