remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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