I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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