My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
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WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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