Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
