She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
