Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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