coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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