Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize