So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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