thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
