Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
