Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.