So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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