You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
