The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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