Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
