just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
