I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
