i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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