I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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