I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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