okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
