my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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