so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
