'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
