please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
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My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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